


And i don´t listen and i don´t think (but in the end that´s not the problem)

by lowbatteryhigheyes



Category: Danger Days: The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys - My Chemical Romance (Album)
Genre: I know nothing of killjoy slang please bear with me, If this reads like romantic love over platonic love propaganda please tell me because it is NOT, Other, Pining, THE KILLJOYS ARE NOT MCR, This is a birthday gift!, Why is everything i write cheesy as hell, fun ghoul (danger days) - Freeform, funpoison, hints at mutual pining, no proofreader this is for my proofreader, party posion (danger days), this is literally just party being stupid and in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:41:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28237869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lowbatteryhigheyes/pseuds/lowbatteryhigheyes
Summary: They should have realised a million times before they did. But they didn’t and Party didn’t know what to do about it now that they finally had.
Relationships: Fun Ghoul/Party Poison (Danger Days)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 16





	And i don´t listen and i don´t think (but in the end that´s not the problem)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Lightinthesky](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lightinthesky/gifts).



When Party Poison finally realises that they're in love, they quite literally feel like they’ve been shot in the head. 

Which is in no way an overstatement on their part, since they actually have been shot in the head and in several other body parts. On multiple occasions. With a myriad of weapons. 

And this is not that far off from getting shot – it’s the same lunging in the stomach, the same sparks in all of their joints and the same numbing pain in their head. The same feeling of having the ground disappear under you so quickly and unexpectedly that in a desperate attempt to stay upright you bruise your hands reaching blindly into the air around you to find something to hold onto, only to realise that there isn't anything to stop you from falling down in what feels like an endless well of darkness. 

Except that this is like, in a good way. 

The day they realise is a day with wind strong enough break even the most stubborn joys spirit. It had been like that the entire week – an almost unbreakable wall of sand. You wouldn’t be able to see your own fingertips if you reached out in front of you and the world felt dark and cold even though the sun was up and high. It was one of those days where Party thanked the phoenix witch for the diner that kept them and their friends safe. Thanking the phoenix witch wasn’t something they did often, living a life where relying on as few people as possible meant survival thanking a superstition didn’t feel natural. 

The realisation of their feelings probably came several months later than it should have. Several months later than most people would have realised at least.  
Instead of realising it now at this moment, they should have realised it yesterday when they had filled the day with scratching in a well-used sketch book only to realise, when they looked through them, that all of them were Fun Ghoul. 

They should have realised last week when Ghoul won a game of briscola just as they came home from a run and immediately began babbling about how he´d been sure to win from the beginning because of rules and tricks Party didn’t know of but instead of listening like they normally would the only thing they could think about was his animated movements and his sharp eyes and oh god his lips. 

They should have realised last month when Ghoul had been fiddling with something that would have looked useless to anyone else, but to him was an invention waiting to happen and Party had been sitting across for him, one of their rare moments of complete silence, trying to take in the world and the pressure and the extreme odds they would face every day for the rest of their life.  
How the only thing filling the silence was the soft clinking of Ghouls bracelets and the whisper of a curse that he led out when something went wrong and how this was exactly what they needed to relax and how Ghoul knew that without even having to ask what was wrong (and how they couldn't stop staring at his hands and bracelets and their careful, calculated movements). 

They should have realised last year when Kobra had looked at them with an expression they couldn't possibly begin to understand, realisation maybe (which was just totally unfair – they have always known that Kobra knows them better than anyone else, but shouldn't they realise their own feelings around the same time as him then? Not a literal year after? Does he really know them that much better than they know themself?) and nodded in a way that only Kobra could. 

They should have realised a million times before they did. But they didn’t and Party didn’t know what to do about it now that they finally had. 

And the worst (or best) part of their realisation is that it happens because of something utterly and completely normal. There´s no special heroic act involved or any fancy words to tricker an epiphany. Just Ghoul – windblown and a little scratched up but grinning, nonetheless. He had just participated in some dumb game or dare made up on the spot to spend the time on days like this – something that involved going outside would be Party´s guess, that would explain the scratching and the absolute mess his hair and clothes were. All windblown hair and living eyes and words said that Party definitely didn’t hear, because they were too busy realising something very big and potentially life changing so they just answered with a drawled “sure thing sugar” that earned them a confused look that took away the smile for a second but not the living eyes and Party wanted to slam their head against a table repeatedly. 

Their stupid attempt at half flirting wasn’t on purpose – it was how they answered most questions, honestly - but it had removed the smile from Ghoul´s face and even though it was only a second and no harm had been done it still hurt so much. That they had been the one to remove the smile because they were being stupid for their own amusement. With the realisation of their feelings came the realisation of how strong those said feelings were and how Party would do anything to keep Ghoul happy forever. They had dug themself in a hole and upon realising just how deep in the were they just kept digging – not even making an attempt to get out. 

They had felt that way for a long time of course – the unexplainable, overwhelming feelings they felt for everyone in their crew - they were a team of course they looked out for each other, and they were friends so of course they´d do anything for each other – but it had never been a concrete goal, another reason to stay alive as much as it was now. Deep down they maybe always had known that this was coming but they had ignored it in favour of- of what? Recklessness? Forming a deeper bond with their friend? Cowardice? They didn’t know. They really didn’t. 

They didn’t know how or exactly when it happened either. They prided themselves with not falling in love, at least not easily – they had no use for it, it would only serve as another vulnerable spot of which they already had way too many and you didn’t need to be in love to hook up and fill the gap that sometimes appeared. You just needed confidence and a pretty face in which Party was lucky enough to have both. Their recklessness and fame were also a factor for some people, but mostly it was just a bonus. 

But still it had happened – they had their walls build, up and ready to face whatever storm came their way, so they hadn't even realised the seed a breeze had carried in, a seed that slowly took root in the garden reserved for only themself. Fun Ghoul with his stupid jokes and sharp wit had wiggled his way into a part of Party´s heart that he had absolutely no reason to be in and they couldn't do anything about it. And somehow Kobra (and perhaps Jet too – they wouldn't put it past him to have it figured out) knew. 

A horrifying thought occurred to Party – what if Ghoul knew. But with a single rational thought they could quickly brush it away, Ghoul was bluntly honest with just about anything when you’ve had earned his trust, so they would already have been rejected and forgiven for their stupid crush a long time ago if he knew. That’s what Party told themself at least. 

And it was inevitable, it must be, or it wouldn't have happened. And if Party thought about it, of course it was – how could they ever in any life, in any universe, not have fallen in love with Ghoul. With his loud laughter and bad jokes, with his shaky breaths and how he sucked air through his nose in fast uneven patterns when he was scared or stressed. How he loved unconditionally even though he didn’t always show it. How he was so crazy intelligent that Party had no doubt he would be able to build anything given the right materials. How he listened and talked when you needed it and how he snorted through his nose and smiled with his whole face. How the sun gave him freckles and the wind gave him red cheeks. How he gave all of them safety. How he was stubborn and crazy and too fast here and there and gone and everywhere at once and like a blazing star sure to burn out to soon just like all of them. How he was all of these things with his entire being and without hesitation. He was all this and more and how could Party not love him. 

But he was also unavailable. It wasn't against any rules for them to be together - making rules for romantic relationships was crazy stupid but being together is and has always been dangerous in a way they weren't used to. And it wasn’t even a possibility – they were utterly and deeply in love and Ghoul was just that. Ghoul. Amazing beyond descriptions even if you gave Party to the end of time to write it all down but far, far away. It wasn’t that he was out of Party´s league. He was playing an entirely different game, all by himself. A game that didn’t involve bad flirting and stomping on hearts from time to time. A game that only required himself and unlucky viewers who knew that they wouldn’t ever be able to join. And although Party hated it, they had also just realised that they were one of those viewers and it would take them a little more than mere 20 seconds to accept the fact that they always would be on the side lines. They hadn't yet, but they would, they had to - for a myriad of reasons. 

So, when Kobra tripped their legs on purpose and Ghoul extended his hand to help them up they didn’t blush or shy away, they barely even felt the tiny sparks of electricity through their bones, they just took it, cracking some dumb joke to divert attention onto something else. This was the first step they told themself. They were so occupied with their own hiding that they didn’t even think to look at Ghoul´s cheeks, tinted pink in a way that definitely didn’t occur by staying inside hiding from a sandstorm all day.

**Author's Note:**

> Happy birthday lightinthesky, I hope you enjoyed this! 
> 
> To all the rest of you – thank you for reading. Feel free to use the comments to correct my mistakes or send a series of emojis to show what you liked about this.


End file.
